Almost bed time, but just have a lot on my mind. Truly, how much can one person sleep in a day and is it indicative of something worse? I stayed home ill today and except for maybe 5 hours between now and 6 AM, I slept. To me, that is really odd.
Anyway, I am tired of lying to myself about "when I am skinny, I am going to...". i do not love myself at this weight or health and like I told Mel, sometimes I feel as if I'd rather be dead than feel this way anymore. For those who are not obese, you will NEVER understand what I am taling about. Sure, you have your own issues and for that I respect your feelings; but this is the worst that I have ever felt.
I cannot find the desire (even though i have the reasons) to stop behaving in a manor in which I have progressed so far and it is killing me slowly and driving me more insane every day. I do not know what to do. It has cost me my marriage and numerous other little things.
Forgive me my rant, I just had to vent. I love you.
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mike! life is a battle, you choose to fight or you choose not too! easier said then done! i have reached a weight that i never thought i would EVER reach! it is a constant battle and i get so sick of feeling ugly, unwanted and mostly... unhappy! you have to be happy with yourself in order to make anyone else happy... i love you and hope you become happy and well! hope to see you soon! keep fighting the battle!
ReplyDeleteI'm back from vacation w/S,D & 4 and I relate to some of your issues. I don't know if you have read any of her books, but Geneen Roth has some great ones for emotional eating. (When Food is Love)Please Please Please get to a therapist and look into the lap band. You can't do it alone. We all need you and love you! Who else would prefer Drag me to Hell for their family outing??? Let me know if I can help. Love YOU
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