Dec 5

I guess my last post was a little cryptic (intended), but my previous two were not intended to be - i was trying to be brutally honest with myself about how I am. It sounds like I may have confused or scared a couple people based on the posted replies and email I received.
Everything is kosher, I promise. I was just measuring my inadequacies, thinking about them and trying to decide where they resided in my psyche so I could confront them and move past them - and hopefully remove a lot of the sad barrier that has been dwelling within me for about 2 months. I just sometimes don't have the words, and my speech becomes flowery or full of imagery. The above paragraph really summed it all up! : )
Now, for my cryptic post, it is a two-fold message, the Hebrew saying is basically translated as life begins anew today. This reminds me that whatever has happened, happened - move forward as much as possible (like Rocky said in Rocky Balboa, "Its not how hard you hit; its how hard you get hit and keep coming back"). The Latin phrase is from the movie American Flyers (I bet Dennis and song new it right away), it means, Once you've got it up, keep it up (I REALLY do have it on a tee-shirt Dennis, you want one? Come over and we will watch it and Breaking Away, Melanie doesn't understand them...).
Finally the Jesus Wept reference was just to remind me that Jesus also had tears of sadness and doubt, and if he did, its OK for me too.
So really, it was a positive affirmation that I can be whoever I want ANY day, and that once I set my goal, keep driving and YES its OK for boys to cry.
I have to post on lighter note tomorrow. I just read a book by AJ Jacobs called "My Year of Living Biblically". It is hilarious, thought provoking, sad, weird and a great read about an author who decides for one year he will live by as many of the rules as he can in the bible (over 700), and live by them literally (he actually stones an adulterer). Its great. Look for more tomorrow. And for those who worry, for now, I am good and love you all.